It happens from the time we are small children. Parents and teachers tell us to spend as much time gathering as much information as possible before acting. Instructing us to spend as much time in deliberation as possible. "Stop and Think", "Look before you leap", "Haste makes waste". They're all meant to slow us down and to make us disregard our initial reaction. For better or for worse we are taught to ignore a "gut feeling" and think past it. Oftentimes we are without the information that is needed to make a difficult decision. When we take the time to think, we think of only the things that we are capable of thinking about. The things we know. Do we ever really know the whole story? Can we know the entire impact that these decisions will have on us? There are lots of situations, particularly at times of high pressure and stress, when haste does not make waste, when our snap judgments and first impressions offer a much better means of making sense of the world. Why, then, are we taught to disregard that feeling?

Well that was too fancy a forward. All I meant to say is that I've tried to live my life on the snap judgment side of the situation. I've often faltered due to not thinking things out enough, rather than over thinking them. Why does the thought of my future scare me so damn much? It is honestly terrifying. Maybe that's just growing up, but I really feel like something isn't right in my world. I'm usually fairly antsy, but much more so than usual lately. Maybe it's because I've been relatively dormant since I moved back from Philadelphia. (It stands to reason, my life has changed a bit.) I haven't been on a skateboard (under my own power) for years. I have all but stopped listening to Hardcore, much less going to shows. I don't table animal rights literature. I don't even hang out past 10 anymore.

I intend on getting my life a bit back to straightened out. If anyone has any good shows that I need to go to, lets hear about them. If anyone wants to hang out, let me know. I just need to be a bit more active in my own life. I've faltered lately.

As some of you know, I'm trying to start my own bicycle frame company. Called "High Five Bicycles". Nothing super fancy. Trying to offer a solid frame at a reasonable cost. Trying to stick with aluminum. Cannondale and Specialized both had MASSIVE success with their CAAD and E5 frames, respectively. I'm going to try to see how similar a product to that I can make. Just a damn fast race frame that doesn't break the bank.

But it's terrifying. To do it correctly will take a lot of money that I don't have. To do it to easy (feasible) way will take a long time, a lot of dedication, and really, the ability to live without seeing any real results for quite some time. Am I ok with that? I think that I am. It's just hard to commit to something.

That is where the first paragraph of this blog came from. I'm thinking too much. I know what I want to do, and I know how to do it. It should be that easy, right? It isn't. The longer it takes for me to come up with money and designs for this sort of thing, the more time I have to think about it and change my mind around. That isn't good. I'm in the same boat in a similar situation regarding school. I can't go until the fall. That leaves all of that time for me to look at schools and programs and try to decide which sounds best for me. The more I look, the more I see, the more times I change my fucking mind. I think that it's really going to be a last minute snap decision. I guess the only thing that really has been consistent as far as a "dream job" goes is that I'd be working for myself. I've had a lot of different ideas of what I've wanted to do with my life, and the only think that the really have in common is that it would be my own business. I guess it's go time. I found the thing that makes sense. For this week at least. We'll see how I feel this time tomorrow.

I need to try to stop thinking so much. I need to get back to snap decisions. Deep down I know what is best for myself. My heart has always been stronger than my head. I'd like to keep it that way.

a new year.

And I've been busy with it. I think I've worked less than 7 days since christmas. I've been away a lot. Went to Spooner, WI for New Years. Ice skating and snow-shoeing. Good times. More enjoyable than I would have thought. I like it outside. Now I'm in New York. Have been on the East Coast for a week. Spent a few days in Philly. Eating a ton of food, which is great, and terrible at the same time. Horizons, Govindas, Soy Cafe, Red Bamboo, a bunch of others that I can't remember the name of. A ton of delicious, basically. Saw a bunch of old Philadelphia friends I haven't seen in a while, and that was nice. Talked to a couple of my old bosses. Everything seems mostly the same. I like Philly. I just wish it were more green. And less ghetto/dirty.

I like New York, which is only funny because I've spent most of my life hating it. It's big, it's loud, it's dirty, it smells...just a bunch of no good. I think I've felt that way because I've never spent more than a day there, and never without my bike. I find it is a lot easier to enjoy a city that you don't know when you don't have to get off a bike to look at a map. It's just a lot slower paced on foot, and I like that more.

Art. I get it now. I never did before. It's pretty rad. I got over myself, mostly, I think. Perhaps something inside me shifted to make it valid. I don't need to understand it. I can't explain it, and I won't try. Art is cool with me.

Yeah. Who knows. Getting time to choose something to do for an education. I think I might have it figured out. I've "had it figured out" no less than three times in the past, though. I have no idea. I think the game is just going to be register and sign up for some classes. Take it from there.

That's all I got, mostly. I just wanted to congradulate a friend of mine on his engagement. That's pretty cool news, dude.

FUCK!

It's very cold. I hate it.

Coldsprints. Pt. II

I figure I might as well write about it when the ache is still in my head and my throat. Tonight was really fun. They switched from blips to feet as a measuring system. Jake let me in on that secret after I was confused why I did so much better last time. I don't think I did. I qualified this time. 1306 ft. Bounced in the first round by a guy (Ben L. something) that went about 65 feet further than i did. I'm ok with that. I just wanted to qualify. Check. It was nice to see some people and get my head away from missing my wife while she's gone. (which sucks, by the way) Jake did well again, but not well enough. Still a fast guy, though. Homme won. Not by much. Beat some huge mass of a man by less than a second, if I remember correctly. It was fun. A good night. TC had to run early, which was a bummer, but it works out. I didn't even say goodbye to many people, so it's fair...

Spent most of the night onstage with Tim helping set seat height for the varying tallness of riders. It was fun. I broke a seatpost clamp (which I did in philly as well...I guess I have a history of doing such). But Tim broke one maybe two minutes after I did. Someone should give Bianchi a heads up about faulty clamps. Get that fixed. Lost my voice pretty quick. Took my shirt off after much (ok, a little) deliberation, but in my defense, I did it for Joel, not the ladies. (I held up the ring and told them I was married, but Joel said that wasn't an excuse...I bit). I still got beat by two seconds. Stayed up through the finals and the grudge matches, which were fun, but tiresome. A lot of girls yelling right in front of the stage for all of the riders to take their shirts off. Less people bit than I expected too, but some of the ladies actually threw in money to the charity pot to con riders out of their clothes. It was pretty fun, and also amusing. Before I left I rode against Pike (who beat me last time, and in qualifying again today) who beat me by .6 seconds over 200m. I guess there is a reason he qualifies better than me. He's faster. Let's go out to Boom Island or some road race and play out there, too. Which brings me to my next topic.

Racing disciplines are a funny thing. Little guy is two time (and defending) Stupor Bowl champ. Probably the best crosser on the team. Didn't even qualify. Jake and I went back and forth all cross season. He CRUSHES me at coldsprints. I beat most of the people around here in the few alleycats I've raced. I'm confident that I am faster than most of the people that beat me. But that said, I can't MTB for shit. Who knows...Just pick what you're good at and stick with it. Some people are just better at more things than others. It works out.

I'm tired, I have a book to read, I have a headache, and I miss my wife. I'm going to bed.

computrainer. Pt .III

Today I rode against my self on the 17 miler from a few days ago. I tell you what, after 8 straight miles at anywhere from 5-13% short 6%'s are a piece of cake. Beat my two days ago time by a minute and a half. averaged about 2mph more. picked up about 6 more watts average. I dunno. felt great. didn't kill myself. Pretty much exactly how I wanted it to go. I'll try to get the numbers up here later, if anyone is concerned with how I'm doing at this rather meaningless time of the year.

I really want to get a computrainer. I'll have to look into whether or not Racermate has an EP program. That'd be pretty neat. Doubt it'll happen, though.

Yeah, so after not riding hard for almost a month, I feel good again. Funny what three days can change. When does the season start? I'm ready for it. Let's do this.

Oh! and Margaret knit me a hat. Cause I don't have any warm things, and we live in a cold state.


see dog in hat.

Assault on Alp D'Huez

Nope. I'm not in France. I suppose the weather might be a little better over there, though. Maybe not, considering it was probably about 70 degrees and balmy in the basement where the Computrainer lives. I rode the Alp D'Huez course. About a 6 mile flat followed by 8 miles of a 8.something average uphill. Never drops below 5 percent. Goes into the 12percents on occasion. Man, does 6% feel good after 13%.Pretty much go flat for a little too long, and then go up for 8 miles. Finished the course in 1 hour 7 minutes and 50 seconds. My goal was an hour ten. Mission accomplished. Pretty hard. The last 3 miles of 7.9% gradient really started to hurt. I kept thinking it was going to level off at the end (the profile map looked as such), but it never did. I saw the finish line and was done before the grade would relent.

Made up a playlist of Sinatra, Cat Stevens and James Taylor. Good times. I really like Sinatra. Cat Stevens has been one of my favorite since I've been old enough to ride in a car with my dad. Long time. Longer than I've known what bicycles do. Oh well, I like bikes more. (then being in a car with dad, not than dad)

Average MPH of 12.something (my flat section was pretty fast). Seemed to hover around 6mph into the 13% and around 9-11 in the 8% and about 12 at 6%. It was really tough. Average watts 265. No HRM...probably 5 beats from internal combustion. Just sat there with a towel over my head and ground it out. All is well that ends well. Showered, shaved my legs for the first time in too long, and then made soft tacos. Life is good. I love being in Oshkosh.

Hope to aquire some rollers while in town. Rather do that than be locked into a stationary trainer (although it is a lot harder to fall off of a trainer). Back to Minneapolis and work in a few days. Boo on that.

17 miles on the computrainer, and a windy snowstorm

First off, I just have to mention that I really don't dread indoor training the way some people do. I'd way rather grind it out hard in the basement and just be wasted and finish and just walk upstairs, than do intervals miles from my house and be cooked and still have to ride home. It's just better. Besides, not being able to coast or even really softpedal down hills has to be beneficial.

Yesterday I rode against my time from 1 year ago. The first time I visited what was to become my new family I rode some course (pretty sure it's called, simply, 17 miler). WOW! Interesting! I beat my last time by a mere 7 (SEVEN) seconds! A good number to win by. I think that part is pretty cool. I average one watt more (245). I don't know if that's good or bad. I do know that last time I was totally gone at the end. This time I made an effort to not overdo it the first half. At one point I was 1/4 mile down on my former self. I made it, and then some, so I suppose that part is cool. I haven't ridden hard since Jingle Cross 3 weeks ago. And I've been well into a diet of cookies and potato chips. (165ish this week. give or take a few depending on time of day. 161 after Alp D'Huez...more later)I suppose it could have been worse. I'll try again on the same course tomorrow maybe and see what happens.

Trying to eat better for a bit. Training is starting for the coming road season. Time to get in shape. Can do.

Next time I'll have to bring my bike and see what I can do with a bike that is set up for me and using a system I know how to shift! Dura Ace is confusing to me nowadays!

Magaret also rode the same course. Against her own time from a year and half or so ago. She absolutely killed her former self. Beat her old time by 2.96 miles. That's a long way. Looked great doing it. She really impresses me. A lot. She doesn't give up when things are hard. I really respect her a lot. She's pretty great. I really hope she'll give a road race a try this year. I just want to see what'll happen. I don't really know, but I think it would definitely be surprising. Pretty sure she'd do pretty well. Who knows. Here's to hoping I find out.

Monty (Margarets dad) also rode the trainer. He road stage 4 of the Horribly Hilly Hundred (which we all plan do again this year. A bit differently for me, though...I want to do the 100k this time and try to just leave all of me on the roads and get a good time rather than grind out the 200k. I also hope to not have any mechanicals this year!) He's got some good goals. He's a long distance grinder, that's for sure. I don't know how he does it. The goal for this year is 300k at the Dairyland Dare. That's going to be tough. We both have some work to do for that one.

And snow. And wind. Dogs hate life this time of the year. It's true. At least little ones with not a lot of fur. It's a little amusing.