sometimes life is hard.

About once every two years I really start to think a lot about Straightedge and the decision that I've made. Is this a healthy choice? To obsess about nothing, rather than something. At what point is it too much? Is all of life so void of gray area?

Backstory, of sorts. I've been claiming Straightedge since a little before I turned 18. That makes is about 5 and a half years at this point. I guess I'm still a baby compared to some of the kids I know. I drank a bit. Never got drunk, just got a headache. Decided pretty quickly that drinking was not for me. Was quite a little stoner in High School. Even smoked (cigarettes) for a short while. Those things suck really bad. Some good times were had. Some bad times were had. Such is life, I guess. I am very glad to have that experience as I feel that it validates my 'edge' more thoroughly than if I'd never done anything, for some reason. Decided that it was all far from necessary. Didn't look back. Ok, I guess that is a lie. I just said that I look back every two years or so.

The reason I have doubts occasionally is slightly a mystery to me. Not entirely. I think that life gets to me. It happens to everyone, life. You can't really escape it. I often wonder if that was this (straightedge) is supposed to be, an escape. It is kind of like a small island, maybe. It does work. Straightedge works. It got me through a lot of years that are very important. But how long can a small island sustain life? There are no self sufficient small islands, All islands rely on a fairly complex network of trades (imports/exports) to other islands. Societies that try to do it alone fail. I think that maybe straightedge is destined for the same fate. There is no denying that we can't isolate ourselves completely. For the better, for sure. If only that seeing people totally wasted should at least strengthen resolve. But you can't interact with a different culture without adopting some of their norms. It's impossible. Look at any culture from any period of history. You'll find tools or language or architectural similarities far too close to be considered coincidence. What happens when Straightedge interacts with the outside world? One of two things. Either they don't take kindly and wage war (and subsequently die due to a lack of resources), or they co-habitate and adopt cultural norms. That means as least a tolerance for, or even personally, drinking. Best case scenario, you don't drink, you stay strong and hold true. But as you interact with that other culture, you meet people. You end up really liking these people, but these people aren't the same culture. They don't view things the same way you do. Someone has to give (knowingly or not) or they will both break. I think that here is where people get in trouble. It seems that you either live in a bubble, or are faced with self induced difficulty. That's enough of that tangent.

But straightedge works. Somehow. At least until through the most easily influences years of a persons life. Late teens/early twenties are a VERY important time in a persons life. A lot of lifestyle (usually bad) lifestyle choices are made in those years. I could have ended up like so many bar hopping alcoholic twenty somethings with no ambition and making bad art. Instead I ride bikes. That's about it. I ride/race bikes and I love my wife. Not in that order. That's pretty much my life. I focus on pretty much those two things. Not complaining.

I just don't want life to get the best of me. It's hard. I'll be the first to admit that it's hard. Straightedge isn't for everyone. A lot of people lose sight of why they claimed in the first place. Sometimes I do. I can honestly say that if I didn't have straightedge tattoo's I'd have sold out by now. Why? Are my convictions not strong? Perhaps. But maybe, just maybe, that little bit (or lot) of fancy skin art is only strengthening them and my resolve. It certainly makes it a lot harder to give up on something when it stares you in the face all day.

I'm starting to lose track of my thoughts. This is on my mind for a reason. It's hard to be in the minority. Sure, maybe a lot of people don't drink, but how many people are actually against it? I don't think that too many are. Which I think is quite ironic, considering how many lives are touched by alcohol and alcoholism. I'm sure I'd run out of fingers and toes before I ran out of names. I invite you to try the same. You'd think that people would see these things. Maybe think a little more? Not sure. But it isn't exactly a puzzle. What's the deal? Do people really think that they are invincible? That an accident while drinking and driving somehow impossible for them? That failing livers aren't a big deal? Maybe even that a cloudy head won't somehow affect a decision for the worse? Sometimes I wonder if people think at all. I'm starting to think not. I think that if you think you get labeled as "uptight". HA! Whatever. Life is funny.

Fuck. I did it again. Oh well. I think that I hit on everything I wanted to. If you were actually able to read and understand what was just said, please leave a comment with your thoughts. I'm not trying to scrounge up comments, I just would really like to know if maybe I actually am crazy.

Thanks.