Jelly Legs. for the first time in a long time.

First of all, I'd like to say that I saw the Red Lantern today. That was nice. He promises to not be the Red Lantern this year, so watch out! He's back on an a mission (to not break anymore frames). Let's all wish him the best of luck. Good luck, Dan.

In other news, I was on my cross bike for the first time of the season. Oh man, I forgot how hard that is. It could be because I've been all but off the bike for a long time, or just because it really is hard. Rode the Deer Pen for about 45 minutes. Mostly working on barriers and jumps. I need to figure out how to clip in faster if I am going to be in contention this season. I'll get it down again. Cleats are just still too new. Last year I changed my cleats halfway through the season. BIG mistake. I had trouble clipping in the whole rest of the calendar. Boo on that!

And I found out what could just be the most fun cross training ride ever. I hope to do it at least twice a week from now on. Take the cross bike out to Hopkins. The Depot. BUT, do it on the grass. For as often as it's possible. It's tough. Really tough. But the best part is that you get all sorts of crazy looks from the roadie, but not racer crowd. I love it. That, and you can get coffee early out there. Here, too, but that's too easy.

Tomorrow. 6:30 am. Deer Pen. Be there. I'll do that for about an hour, let the dog out, go return Fil's barriers, and then hope to get out to hopkins again for a latte and then back to work for a shower and change before 9. Then I work until 3 and get on a bus to MKE at 4. THAT is exciting. Something about a Labor Day party that Margaret's Mom's family throws every year. Something about a big lot and go carts? Sounds like a good time. I'm excited. That, and I get to see my wife for the first time since the 16th.

Hell yes. Should be fun! Then I get back and leave in a week on my trip. Busy Busy. Then I get back, work a week, and then Cyclocross season starts! Life is certainly turning itself around for me. All it took was for the air to cool down a bit!

Hell yes. Life is awesome.

An interesting observation.

I've been seeing a lot of "stop the RNC" or, "NO RNC" spraypaintings.
I have to assume that these are done by the leftists. This is fine by me. I share their sentiment, to a point. BUT, I feel as though a line is being crossed by this.

It isn't the spraypaint. It isn't the planned protests. It's the feeling that they have the authority to make it not happen at all.

I'm assuming that people are going to protest. I'll also assume that these protests will be watched by the cops. I'd even go so far as to assume that the cops are going to try shut them down.

Interesting thing, though. Somewhere in our constitution we are given the right to free assembly. I'm SURE that one of these 'leftists' will bring this point up to the fine policemen and women of St. Paul. I'm sure that any attempt to actually shut down the protests will be unsuccessful. They can move the protests to public property. They can allow or disallow the route of any marching protests. They can't make them go away entirely. It's unconstitutional.

I just think it's funny that the thing that gives these leftists the green light to go cause a ruckus is the same thing that they are ignoring when voicing their disapproval of the entire event.

*I am not a Republican. Probably not a Democrat, either. I really don't care too too much one way or the other. To be honest, for no good reasons, I just can't hate McKain. Just can't do it. I do think that Obama is a pussy. But I also think that he's a much better choice for president.

Let them assemble. Let them have their convention. If you don't like it, go protest it. That's fine, too. I'm not super patriotic. BUT, I don't think this country is all bad. Just because you don't like something, doesn't mean you have to try to kill it.

We've tried before. Doesn't work.

That's all. I got a little political.

Buy Levi's jeans. They'll fit your ass... and your budget.

FUCK! Stolen Bike Alert

Johnny (QBP) and his girlfriend got their bikes stolen from a party last night.

Someone cut the lock.

Specs:
Hers. 14" black surly 1x1. Ritchey stem/flatbar/seatpost. BB7 discs. Style gigapipe cranks.XT front hub laced to a Mustang rear with a surly hub/wtb rim rear. Single speed.



HIS:
16" Black Karate Monkey. Moto Ace Bell Laps (flared drops) with 8 spd Sachs ergopower shifters (road shifters) Red bar tape. BB7's on this too. XTR derailleurs, cranks (2 rings) and pedals. White SLR saddle. DT 240 hubs (black/red) lased to DT 7.1 rims.


If you see them, take 'em back. get in touch with someone in the know.

I'm hesitant to put his # on here...

-jason

All Clear!

Node came back negative!

That means I'm a cancer survivor. Wasn't fun, but wasn't too hard. Take that cancer!

SO...That's it. Keep my ass out of the sun and I'll continue to be good to go.

Good news for me. Happy about that!

That's all I got. I wish my wife was here to enjoy this/celebrate this with me.

that, and an iced coffee (with vanilla soymilk and maple syrup).

I'll take it!

stupid cancer.

So, I should give HCMC and Dr. Jerains some credit. He called me on his day off, from his cell phone, and left me his cell # in case I had questions. And he's got an adorable semi-lisp. Ladies (and confused dudes) beware!

and Derek hooked it up with some awesome iced coffee thing! NO idea what it is, but it's awesome!

No new news, but something...

I just wanted to mention that I got a muffin from the Seward Co-op this morning. It is delicious.

It's a (vegan) zucchini/almond/raisin muffin. It's moist and amazing.

Just a heads up. If you're in the west bank or seward area, go get one. Worth it!

a bit of news.

On my ride up to the track I felt my pocket vibrating. I pulled over and answered it. It was one of the interns that worked on me. She explained to me what the hold up had been, and that I should expect the rest of the results in a few days.

Turns out that they had to send the big chunk of me (for the lack of a better way to describe it) to a place somewhere else. Apparently, they sent the Lymph Node with it. That wasn't supposed to happen, so the node got sent back to HCMC and then they now have to test it. Sheesh! Little Guy could have delivered it faster! (not a knock, LG, I know that couriers get to deliver body parts and other samples. I've done it before!)

Anyhow, the call was pleasant. Told me that there was a little bit more cancer in the chunk, but they got it all. Which is good news. That bad news is that the node hasn't been tested yet. Which is the one that I'm worried about. Doesn't matter if it's in that GIGANTIC chunk of skin they took out, because it's out. The node is more crucial.

In other news, I've been back on my bike. Feels GREAT! not sure what exactly I should be doing on it, though. Shouldn't really be training...just riding. I'll do that. Bruce gave the rest of the track season off. I'm thinking I might try a few races.

On that topic, I asked Linsey to check me out to see if she thought I could race the Match Sprints today. She said I was fine, but we taped me up again anyhow. She was right. During a few "practice" laps I felt very good. Ok, let me rephrase. My ARM felt very good. My legs not so much. Got to ride a fancy bike, though. (thanks Rookie). Didn't even have to move the seat or bars up or down. Let it exactly as it was.

Ran the second fastest flying 200 of "my" category. Nothing stellar. I wasn't happy with it. 13.68. Oh well. It was windy. Drew Linsey in the first round. Felt I rode it ok, but she beat me. I'm ok with that. She's fast, and I'd still get to race the losers race... which I also lost. To Mike Hall. He eventually won, though, so I'm ok with it. And he's a nice guy. Linsey won the womans race pretty easily, and rode to a 4th place in the 4/5 race as well. Well done lady! But that means that I lost. 5th place out of 5 people. I consider it a victory in getting out there and doing it. I'm super happy to be back on my bike already, and very confident I'll be able to put a bike on it within the month.

As long as Ferris stays off of it. (Just kidding. Didn't hurt, just scared me. You know how it is. Nothing personal, I think you're a great guy!)

Taylor demolished everyone on his way to victory. Tainter silver, Ferris Bronze. Well played.


Oh, That, and Rocky 3 is dedicated "to the gallant people of afghanistan" or something like that. I thought that be pretty humorous, considering...

fuck a bunch of doctors.

I got nothing. Called them a 4. They said I'd here back by 5, or first thing in the morning. Didn't hear back tonight. Doubting I'll here anything tomorrow.

I just want to know why. I'm starting to not care what they tell, as long as they'd just tell me something.

Match Sprints are tomorrow. Excited to watch. Thinking of racing.

Just thinking at this point. Nothing certain. There is a lot hinging on my recovery. Namely CX. There are two races I want to win. I want to contest as many as possible. Hell. I'd like to be a cat 2. That seems possible. Not if I break myself back open. That'll shut the door to cross sooner than anyting else. I'm not going to do anything hasty. CX is easily my highest priority.

Tonight I rode for an hour and a half with Spencer. Rode up to meet some people at Behind Bars, only there was no one at Behind Bars for us. We just missed Megan. She had to go home a bit before we got there. BOO, but that's ok. Spencer and I had a nice easy ride NE of St. Paul for a bit. Shoulder felt very much ok. Road bike felt stiffer than I remembered, though. and my TIME shoes are a bit too small. Other than that, all ok. Didn't get in the drops, but my range of motion was fine. Sprinted up one hill. Didn't explode. Thinking I'm good to go again. As long as I'm careful. Not going to do anything careless.

That's about it from me. Watch either Michael Clayton or Rambo 3. Can't decide.
Hopefully news tomorrow. I'll see you at the track.

not much new.

Arm feels almost back to normal. no real pain to speak of, more of just the feeling of really sticky tape on me. Just limiting my mobility more than anything. It's nice. Well, it's not that nice, but it's better thank hurting a bunch.

I have the next two days off. I'd like to get out on my bike for a bit. That's the plan... maybe borrow a trailer from work and take the dog out hopkins or something...

Tomorrow I find out whether or not I still am infected. I am strangely unaffected by that. feels just like another day. Not stressing it at all. No real feelings about which way the call will go. Just calm, and ready for news.

Also interesting to me...I have been all sorts of shaky lately. I often am, but the last few days are a bit odd. I know none of you are doctors, but why might you think that could be? It's really starting to make me nervous. Don't want to make a special trip to the doctor for it, but I'm starting to consider it. Sucks.

Feeling better still!

Well. Worked all day today. It worked. As long as I don't hit my shoulder on stuff (hell, touch my shoulder and it hurts) I'm ok.

No day to day pain, just contact and use pain. Which is an awesome thing. I'm very happy to be rid of the dull ache.

Rode to Nicolet Video and the wedge today. Not very far, but it means I can go further than the 20 blocks down lake street that Blue Moon is.

I want to try to ride around on tuesday or wednesday (as far as I know, I have these off) Anyone up for seeing just what I am up for. I'm not going to use "capable of", because I (and probably you) know full well I am capable of a lot, but probably not a good idea to test limits right now... Let's just recover. Seems like I can use my left arm for most of my leveraging. Seemed to go ok. As long as the inclines are slight.

Takin' it easy. Which basically means things are boring. Good thing I'm a sucker for the Rambo movies and Metalocalypse. If you're not familiar with the latter, come over. You'll be introduced to the best thing ever.

well. second best, but the best thing doesn't start for another month.

no news is good news?

I got to the hospital. They said they'd need 15 more minutes for the "panel discussion". Fifteen minutes later they came and said that they'd need until tuesday. So, I got nothing, except that I'm healing ok. I can work again, and I got up to 20 pounds for a weight limit on my right arm.

So, I guess that's a plus.

So it goes. Margaret leaves on her trip today. She'll be gone for two weeks. She'll have fun. Vacations are great!

Good Signs.

Every now and then I play solitare. I never do very well. Just play a few rounds and give up the ghost. USI wireless was a miss this morning on the back porch (which I have now! the new apt is amazing! Party coming a bit later. probably when i get back from my trip). Anyway, off topic.

I won. First try. Had no moves on the opening hand, but still pulled it out. I was happy about that, and I took it as a sign.

Linda's superstition worked out, too. All signals point to good.

We'll see what the doctors have planned for me, though.

I'm young. The cancer couldn't have been festering too long, right? PFFFT! cancer is dumb. Not very sneaky, in this case.

I should shut up. Watch me come back positive now.

go to hell cancer.

Rode my bike to Blue Moon again. They've got good iced tea. Yesterday it hurt. I called it a bad idea, BUT, I never learn, so I did it again today. After last night I was feeling much better. I woke up to less pain. The last week has been spent at about a 7 or 8 on the percieved pain scale. Down to a 4 or 5 when I got up and moved around. Cleaned up and rebandaged myself. I have to decide if I want to go to work or the track tonight.

I know which one I WANT to do. We'll see what I SHOULD do, though...

I'll probably see you at the track.

Holy Cow.

I just got back from Black Dog. I don't know the hell I could have ever been down on myself with all of the amazing people pulling for me. I just met a ton of great people that have read about my situation on this thing, or from someone else.

I just want to say that I very much appreciate the support, and I'm feeling damn good about my appointment tomorrow. thanks for keeping me in your thoughts.

I love this city, this community, this bike racing thing.

Life isn't so bad. It's actually kind of fun.

Kinda like a bike race. If it's not hard, it's not really as much fun, is it?

News?

I just got a call from the hospital. Man. I got a bit nervous when they start a phone call with "This is Laura from HCMC, Is this Jason?". Turns out that they were just calling to remind me of my appointment tomorrow at 1. At least now I know exactly where to go. That'll be nice.

So, Tomorrow I find out what happens. Either there is no cancer in the lymph node that they took out, and they chalk me up in the "Cancer Survivor" statistic, or there IS cancer in my lymph node, and it could be anywhere. The impression that I get is that the Sentinal node is the lymph node that is the first in the series for a particular area. When they injected me with dye, it drained to the "sentinal" node. From there, it can go anywhere and everywhere. I am under the impression that things go the sentinal node first, and then wherever it wants after that. No easy way to know.

I do know that I don't have any tumors, as an early x-ray and blood test indicated. Basically, If it's not in my node, I'm "cured" and that seemed too easy, despite the level of suck. If it's in there I'm screwed and get to do chemo to kill it. No more choppin me up, cause they don't know where I'd be hiding. Although, they do have fancy machines to help them find it.

We'll see how it is. I'll update when I find out. Come say hi to me at black dog.

my apologies

for being a whining baby. This is dumb. I am far from the worst off person in the community/viscinity. I'm still walking, talking, thinking. I'm fine. Hell. I'm still breathing. If it were just the cancer getting to me, I could handle it. Hell, I've got excuses for days, but what it boils down to is that I'm being a big baby. I'll get over myself sometime soon.

probably right about when cross season gets here. or when I leave for my trip.

update.

i'm still alive. they cut me. a lot. shot me full of dye and removed the lymph node it drained to. that's a 3" scar. they cut a solid 6" down my shoulder about an inch and quarter at its widest point, down to the muscle.

I'm out of work until friday. I have a one pound weight restriction on my right arm. I basically can do nothing. They've got me in a sling and on vicodin.

I'm just trying to stay positive. it's really hard. I've been having some sort of crisis lately, just wishing for a straightedge time out. I need something in my life to change. I know that it won't help, but I just need something to take my mind off of my life. Maybe I need to find god. (Unlikely) I just need something. I'm just depressed. I can't do anything. I want to do everything. It just hurts me and gets margaret mad at me for doing too much and hurting myself. The hurt I can deal with. The other effect not so much.

I can't go to school this fall and that upsets me. Starts too soon. I really doubt I'll ever get to go, which is stupid, because I've wanted to forever. I just need to get some sort of stability in my life. with a job that I can count on to actually pay my bills. Maybe someday. I doubt it though.

Either good things don't happen to good people, or I am a shitty person. Kharma is a joke. I don't deserve my life. I really can't. I've done some really stupid shit. But NEVER should someone deserve this. It isn't fair. But then again, that's life. Life isn't fair. I've known that for some time. Hell. It isn't my life that sucks. Just this year. Current life. Recent memory life. I can't deal with it.

There. I said it. I can't deal with this. I can't deal with my life. I am not strong enough.

Oh hell. I just lost it. That just turned into a "dear diary". That wasn't intended, but I'm leaving it.

Fuck.

I find out on Thursday if I have any more cancer of if they got it all. If I still have cancer I"m jumping off a bridge.

Trippin'

So. Uneventful week. Haven't been on my bike since the crit. That part sucks, but I'm not inspired to ride, so I'm not. Cyclocross season is almost here, so I'm not going to kill myself.

Speaking of dying. Surgery is tomorrow. BIG chunk out of arm. Fucked up tattoo. This is going to be fun. I'm more pissed off about not being able to eat breakfast than I am about getting knocked out and cut open. Oh well. They'll fix me and I'll be fine. Back to Cancer Free Youth again. (Can I still call myself a youth?)

Decided I'm not going on vacation as long this month. Going to take a trip next month. Going to ride from here to Milwaukee. The 6th-13th of September, I reckon. 500 or so miles. Highest two points in WI in one day. Should be fun. I'm excited. I'd rather not do it alone, though. Anyone interested? Can't promise much other than a good time. Mostly. I'll post an itinerary when I figure it out a bit more. I have a rough idea. Oh, and if you know somewhere I can stay NW of Wausau for a night, that would be rad!

Thanks for tuning in. That's all for now.